I have been feeling the arrival of life changes heavily over the last several weeks. I know what some of them are - getting married in Canada next week, for instance.

I also sold a small business this past week I have been building over the last 4 years. This will free me up to focus on my ever increasing passion - photography. I have continued working towards completion of my NYIP Photography coursework. I am going to start to market myself and get some good experience.

I also feel a change inside me - like something deep down inside where I am looking at the world with new eyes and feel compelled to make a change, a difference. I know that my time on earth is limited and loving Michael and Zac are two of my priorities that will never change. But I want to take my passion for photography to a place where I can influence our world in a positive way. I know this is such a selfish desire, but my heart yearns for my making a difference.

Here’s a photo from our front yard this afternoon. Had a surprise snowstorm (been so bogged down in work hadn’t seen a forecast in days).

I’m off to California this weekend for work. I expect the weather will be quite different.  Will be back later in the week.

I would like to make some predictions for 2008:

1. Hillary will get the nomination (but I won’t jinx the end result).

2. We will add a day to our calendar

3. We will burn 1.4 million bbl/d more oil than 2007.

4. I will be married and enjoy the best European vacation of my life

5. My son will begin high school (and I will cry for a moment)

6. I will be at my healthiest (I can’t be plump for my wedding)

7. Facebook will give MySpace a run for it’s money (but won’t catch up)

8. We will see little noticeable movement on the gay marriage issue in 2008

9. Omar Hassan Al-Bashir will continue to be a road block

10. Being Green will be the “In” thing (for those who can afford it)

You may have noticed recently that I have not posted anything new on the blog. I can honestly say that it has a direct relationship to my mood. These last few weeks have been some difficult ones for me personally. There is no deep hidden meaning to that other than to say that I haven’t felt up to doing very much besides working, eating, and poo-ing as required. The lack of energy and motivation has meant very little has been done in terms of my photography, blogging, gardening, and cooking. I feel like I am on my way back on the upswing of my mood which is why I am writing an entry this morning.

For my few close friends and readers, I apologize for my absence and I hope to have more interesting things to share in the days to come.

I am feeling totally swamped. I have way too much on my plate and as a result I feel stuck. I feel like I am drowning in quick sand and every time I wiggle I am getting deeper in it. I am trying to keep everything in perspective, but feeling way too deep to not feel the pressure. I am unmotivated to plug the holes which are draining my energy. I sense by the reaction of people around me that something is in the air of the universe. Am I alone?

After a three week stint away for work, I am finally back home. There are so many things that I missed about being home. My Sweetie, Emma, my office with Chad and Seth, my garden, my family…I am feeling especially thankful, just a bit early for the holiday next month. I have also missed my routines - web browsing, blog writing, and the gym.

I am eager to get back into the swing of things tomorrow when I return to my “normal” life.

As you can see from the lack of posts lately, I have been less able to write for the blog over the last two weeks.  I have been away in California for business.  Being on the road has it’s ups and downs.  It is good to be face to face with the people I work with on a daily basis.  It gives a perspective that time seems to fade.  I also enjoy the time in a warmer climate during the days and the cooler starlit sky at night.  The costs, however sometimes are too much.  I miss my Sweetie.  Waking to his cute smile and loving arms make my mornings -  and I miss them terribly when I am away.  I miss the home we are building together with our dog Emma.  I miss just sitting and reading in the same room as him after work. 

I just arrived to my third week of meetings on the west coast and the two short days we spent together were simply not enough.  I yearn to be back at home chatting about topics in the Sunday paper while sipping some coffee at our local diner.  There are five days until I return.  Instead of clouding my sadness in beer and wine at night, I will sit sober with the feelings of missing my Sweetie this week.   I will read the sweet note he left in my laptop again and again, comforted by the knowledge that we will be together again soon.

I am often told that I am my own biggest critic.  That is true.  I find myself having a hard time forgiving myself for poor choices I make.  As I become more in tune with my inner workings and that of the world, I feel compelled to follow my convictions more stringently.  I am finding this to be difficult and a rationalizing voice inside my head seems to get the better part of me these last few days. 

As a result, I made poor choices that in turn I feel guilty having now made.  I know that this is part of the process of maturation, but my guilt ridden self seems to get more of my thoughts than that of my true egoless self.  I am hoping today to focus on my breath…on my active surroundings…on serving others…so that this egoic guilt will become a forgotten whisper of my mind. 

How often do I place my dollars behind my beliefs? I’m ashamed to say - not often enough. If you knew that the car company you purchased your vehicle from supported GLBT employees, would you be more apt to purchase from them? I have been giving this some thought. I want to make educated decisions about the products I buy. Is this product something that will end up in my local dump and sit there for the next 200 years? Will the money that is paid for this product help create a more open minded and enlightened world? Will my son be proud of his father for having made this purchase choice? These are questions that I am giving thought to these days while I sift through a closet full of things I’ve purchased and don’t regularly use. I want to be more careful and thoughtful about the items I purchase and consume.

I want to put my money where my mouth is.

Today has been such a wonderful day- one when I am grateful to be alive. I woke this morning and went to Wild By Nature, which is a bit of a drive for me - but very much worth it. My Sweetie and I then put together a new stainless steel gas grill we got as an engagement gift from the girl’s in his office. We found a spot for it in the garage after a clean-up and rearrangment. We then drove to a local deli, got some sandwiches and took a walk for lunch with Emma through a park not far from our home. We enjoyed the great weather, fresh air, water, animals and plants.

I cannot ask for more from one day and feel ready to call it a day, but my Sweetie wants to go shopping. How can I refuse.